Update
The beauty of our sport has always been its ability to be so starkly black and white. In the swimming world our judge is the clock. Our measuring device cannot lie, it cannot blink, and it cannot make an error in judgment. It can be brutal, as I learned first hand at trials, but it is always fair.
The judgment of the clock is something that I accept. And no matter how I rail against the vagrancy of fate in the separation of 100th of a second, I understand that the clock holds the final sway. But now I suspect that I am not on the Olympic team because of a human decision. And that does not sit well.
The excuse that the deadline for nominations to the U.S. Olympic Team has passed is an empty explanation for my exclusion from the team. I have been told by people within the USOC and USA swimming that USA swimming knew about the positive drug test before the entry deadline.
I’m not sure what to think about this as I have talked with many different people who have been telling me different stories. I have asked others to investigate what happened and my future options. I want to believe that there are people at USA Swimming and the USOC doing the right thing. I hope that they are.
I know that there is the option of arbitration before me. But I am hesitant to be the swimmer who forces her way onto the team. And there is still the issue of Jessica’s hearing. Honestly, I hope that she is found innocent of doing anything wrong. If she didn’t cheat then she should have the spot that she has been preparing for.
All of the rest of this is to figure out the landscape around her fight. I have always considered myself a team player and want the U.S. to do it’s best in Beijing. But on the other hand, if that spot opens up, it is my spot. And I should be given the option of swimming.
I deserved to have honesty and transparency from USA Swimming. I have been team captain of four national teams. I have been involved in USA Swimming developmental camps. I have always put myself forward to be their good example. I understand what representing this country means.
Here is what I want to have happen: USA swimming fights to put Lara, Amanda, and me on the team in the unhappy event that Jessica cannot take up her spot. They name us to the team and we train. USA Swimming works to give us the option to swim, a difficult task as they have to make it through the IOC and FINA.
When the final entry deadline for individual events comes up we evaluate where we are and if it would be best to have other athletes swim our events. There would be no reason for us to lie as we would already be named to the team and no one wants to be embarrassed at the Olympics.
My Olympic dream was always to represent my country in triumph. I would never steal that opportunity from Rebecca Soni if I didn’t think that I could give it an honest effort. What I think that I deserve (again this is only if Jessica’s hearing does not go well) is the opportunity and the option to see what I can do.
What I really wish is that none of this had happened. I was on the road to recovery and now it is all messed up.
July 26th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Tara,
I am really sorry that has happened to you. You deserved so much more then what the Olympic Committee offered to you.
I do not understand why they did not name you as an alternate. I find that extremely irresponsible of them, and, leave it to Murphy’s Law, to show them exactly what their irresponsibility has done to you and our nation.
On a side note, I saw your “What Not to Wear” episode last night! Wow, that looked like fun!!!
I will be crossing fingers for you that our OC gets their S&!* together (sorry but it really is for lack of a better word situation).
melissa
July 26th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Tara:
I read about you in the New York Times. I was an elite competitive swimmer, so I have an idea of the hard work and determination that brought you to the Olympic Trials. I was saddened to hear what happened. I know that right now that this is a huge heartbreak. Try to remember that no one can take from you what you have learned while training for this very personal sport. What you have gained more from training is more than a trip to Beijing. You have not only trained your body to compete, but you have trained your mind for self-improvement. As a 25 year old swimmer, it’s possible that you wonder if this is the end of the road for you. But in reality, it is only the beginning of your adult life, where those mental qualtities that you have strengthened over the years will serve you well.
In 1980 the US boycotted the Summer Olympics. But my swimming heartbreak occurred a year earlier. I didn’t qualify for the Olympic Trials. At the time, it was completely devestating, because I had worked so hard to acheive my personal dream. I realize today that I got much more out of TRAINING for competition than any medal or pool record that I earned in my youth.
I can tell you that swimming teaches you self-reliance and perseverence. Most goals that are worth achieving in adult life take a lot of perseverence. Success is most gratifying when it is achieved on our own. The concept of immediate gratification plays no part elite swimming. An elite swimmer may work every day for a year to bring her best time down by a very small margin. And to accomplish that, we need to go to a special personal space inside ourselves, for ourselves. That mindset takes years to develop
You can apply that mindset to any goal you set.
I took up tennis at 39 with no previous experience (or hand-eye coordination–I was a swimmer.) My instructors said it would take years to learn to play well. No problem, I was a swimmer. When I decide to do something, I just channel that inner swimmer, and go into swimmer mindset, and get very focused on what it is I want to do. It doesn’t matter whether I have the “natural talent” for it. I have the mental training. Today, I had a tennis match against a physically stronger opponent. I won. Without cheating. I beat her with my swimmer mind.
You weren’t born knowing how to swim. You taught yourself. If you decide you want to become a helicopter pilot, a broadcaster, or even swim around the world, you can train your mind to do it. You have the mind and the muscle now to do whatever it is you set out to do. And you know you can do it without cheating. So enjoy hiking in Ireland and as you plan your future, call upon that inner swimmer to inspire you. She will always be there for you.
July 27th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
I first learned about you after I saw your episode on “What Not to Wear” this past Friday (July 25). I am disappointed to hear about the alleged doping incident, and even more disappointed to hear that you have not been elevated to the roster. I was looking forward to following your progress throughout these Olympics. I share your hope that USA Swimming fights to send you to Bejing. You’ve earned the right to represent our country.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:33 am
What has happened is a real shame. The ripple effect from something like this can lead to some emotional times. I know of it happening in swimming where someone missed a deadline because of indecision and/or laziness on the part of their federation but I didn’t think the U.S. would be so irresponsible. It is unfortunate that red tape undoubtedly has hurt your chances of going to Beijing. Stay strong. I wish you the best.
July 28th, 2008 at 7:04 am
If you are still on Achill and need to get in the water while this plays out, there is a SCM pool right there in Westport. It is just off of James Street by the movie theater. I think there are only two LCM pools on the island, the National Aquatic Centre in Dublin and the National Training Centre at the University of Limerick.
Recommend visiting Downpatrick Head in north Mayo while you are there. The drive isn’t that long. Also, while it may be too crazy during the high season now, there aren’t many places better to be than a trad session at Matt Molloy’s in Westport on a Thursday night. Get there early enough hear Mick Lavelle sing. Also, Hoban’s (Friday) and JW’s bar in the Wyatt Hotel (Sunday).
Sorry you are having to go through this. Best of luck to you.
July 28th, 2008 at 7:10 am
Tara, I too became a Tara Kirk fan when I saw your WNTW episode. You are so articulate and mature in your blogs about your 1/100th of a second loss and the Jessica positive doping situation. All of your old fans and we new ones are looking forward to your blog updates. You are adorable and you have an awesome attitude. I truly hope to see you in Beijing. Linda Jo
July 28th, 2008 at 8:12 am
tara -
you write “i was on the road to recovery. . . “. you are on the road to recovery. yes, you, Amanda and Lara all deserved the transparency from US Swimming (and an earlier trails week), the USOC and everybody else. The beauty of swimming has always been the clock, and where you end in a race. The frustration for the past 30 years has been doping. And unfortunately, because of US Swimming setting the trials so closely this time, unlike in ‘88, 3 people were robbed of their dreams. The thing is that you wouldn’t be the woman who forced her way onto the team. You would be the leader who advocated for her rights, and those of her teammates, for spots earned to represent our country in the Olympic Games.
Hang in there Tara. You have done nothing but show the world how much of a world class person you are.
Lella
July 28th, 2008 at 8:51 am
Susy, Andrew, Mali and I support you 100%!!!! I’m sure many, many people do. You have fans, friends, and family following this story closely and pulling for you. Hang in there!
July 29th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Tara,
First, it was so difficult watching you and Megan battle out at the trials, and now this.
I, like you, hope that Jessica wins her appeal especially if you, Amanda and Lara do not get put on the team. I hate to see swimming tainted and had hoped the days of performance enhancement controversies in this sport were over. Both you and your sister, Dana, have been excellent role models to young swimmers. Your response here has been consistent with our view of you. How you handle this will influence swimming for a long time to come. So far, you appear to have been professional and still strong in your response. If you continue this way, you will be a true “winner” and a different kind of “gold medalist” - not the kind in the record books (although I sincerely hope that DOES happen), but the kind that makes a positive difference in the way things are done so that things are fairer for everyone who follows you.
On a more personal note: (and while I don’t know you personally, I have met you once) I am well acquainted with your history and your philosophy. My hope is that you can keep this from destroying your feelings about something you have been so passionate about. Despite your setbacks, please remember that you told my young swimmer and his teammates that swimming competitively should be fun. Try to keep that in mind as you wade through these trying next few weeks.
You have a bigger support group than you realize. We will be cheering you on whether in Beijing or whenever or wherever you go next in swimming and in life.
August 1st, 2008 at 9:32 pm
My daughter has been a club swimmer for over 10 years. I’ve been a certified official for 8. The most important rule we go by is “The swimmer always gets the benefit of the doubt” While this certainly extended to Jessica Hardy (until she practicallly admitted guilt and withdrew from the Olympics), it should also apply to you. USA Swimming quotes it rules that, after July 21, swimmers who don’t swim can only be replaced by other Olympic team mates. This is fine for injuries or positive tests during the games. However, Jessica’s infraction was 3 WEEKS before the games. That a swimmer testing positive would then swim the olympics was remote at best. She should not have been named to the team on July 21. At the very least you certainly deserved THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT that she would take her place. I can not get over the fact that an admitted cheater has cost you your rightful place representing this country. I am ashamed that USA Swimming will not take a more proactive role in getting you on this team and on your way to beijing. You certainly have our support if you choose to pursue this course. We would appreciate a short update to your blog to let us know. Good Luck.
September 3rd, 2008 at 5:55 am
heisse girls vor der cam…
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