After 48hrs I think I finally have a grip on my feelings. I didn’t want to just write what I was feeling at the moment because I knew I would wake up and feel something different then through out the course of the day probably start to feel different again.

People say be careful what you ask for … My phrase lately has been “win, lose or draw.”
Some say I WON, the record states I LOST and I would love if we could have just called it a DRAW. This to me is the same as coulda woulda shoulda. Truth of the matter is, I value Veronica as a competitor. I know when she is in the race, I have to run or get run over. I wouldn’t want to win a gold medal and she not be in the race. I wouldn’t feel like the real champ.
To appreciate a gold medal I have to compete against all the people I deem worthy competitors. If my main competition isn’t in the race then how can I really I know I am the greatest at that moment in time?. Do I wish I won, of course but all in all it doesn’t matter what the outcome was because I train to beat her hands down and I didn’t. I don’t want a photo finish. I want to win and it be obvious. Beating the brakes off a worthy competitor is what it means to be the best. There is no fuzzy gray line where you cant tell who won.

The last thing she said to me before I went in the cal room was “run 102 meters.” If only i had listened. … All year she has been telling me things and I have been hearing her but not listening. she told me you’re hard-headed and it is gonna cost you, and I believe it did. I really want her to know how appreciative I am of her sticking with me because believe it or not cute little old me has been quite a handful this year.
Trying to do your job when your colleague is moody and uncooperative is very stressful but day in and day out she came to that track and dealt with my mood swings and stubbornness and still managed to coach me back to the world championships.

SO after much reflection I have decided to be grateful that I was able to line up. I am excited that I am not washed up because it was lookin grim for awhile. I worked really hard to get back to this point so I am gonna pat myself on the back like I won because I AM BACK!! This race just confirmed it. I no longer take my talent for granted and I know that pain is relative to how strong your mind is.

They say “it is not how you start it is how you finish.” Well I want everyone to know you should stayed tuned in because I AM NOT DONE YET!!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 29th, 2007 at 9:06 am and is filed under laurynwilliams. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.